Looking back for a bit

It was an overall abysmal period of time. It started when I was really depressed after getting expelled (as least that was how I felt like). Then I tried to make friends. Despite close proximity, people and I achieved about zero interaction. It remains a mystery how to initiate discussion. Is it always a futile attempt when I know little about others work? Or have I so far only made attempts at inopportune times?

Then finally one day I expressed my interest of his work to one researcher and we had some useful discussions. We were bonded by mathematics and some set-backs. Thus the years brightened a bit towards the end, but this turned out to be false hope. One fateful discussion turned sour. Minor complaints escalated into insults, as fast as fire spreads. Yeah, just as what the book captured. Despite premonition from the book, I still let it get out of hand...

Insults cannot be taken back once uttered, even if you declare that you take them back (as he did). Still I cannot get over the injury. Thus at this stage, I am at fault for not being able to get over it.

Thus ended my unique friendship in this hell. I mourn my loss, the trustworthy friend who does not think lowly of me and who probably never existed in the first place.

Update: currently made up with him by the river magic.